COOL STUFF

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jokes

1 10 Ways to Annoy Cops

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"
When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought cops had to be physically fit."
Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.
Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.
Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.
Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school instead.
When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.
Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.
When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold me beer for a sec?"

How Sauron of "Lord of the Rings" is Like a Woman:

Both have been called "the greatest enemy of men"
Think they should rule the world
They obsess over jewelry
They spread gossip like the plague
They boss kings around like servants
They have an eye that sees all, or at least claim to
They hold a grudge for hundreds of years

What P.M.S. Stands For

Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly, Men Suck
Pack My Stuff

Telemarketer Repellant

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."
If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.

A Definite Definition
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The man at the wheel looked very confused and scared.
"What's going on here, sir? You were swerving like a manic. Do I have to make you take a breathylizer test?"
"No Sir! I haven't had a drop to drink. It's just that I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another!" The cop looked around the inside of the car and sighed.
"That's your air freshener. Move it along, dumbass."
Atheist's Prayer
As an atheist walked through the forest, he smiled at the beauty that was all around him and said, "What natural wonders the powers of evolution have created."
Just then he heard a rustling near the river. He went to investigate and a 7-foot-tall grizzly bear was tearing down the path towards him him. The man took off like a shot, and when he got up the courage to look back, he saw the bear was catching up fast.
He tried with all his strength to pick up the pace, but he tripped and crashed to the ground. As he tried to get up, the bear jumped on his chest and picked up one paw to whack him.
The atheist screamed, "Oh my God!!!"
Time stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice boomed from the heavens, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran again, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK
(oh if only!!)
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
28. Just fuck off and stick your head back up your arse!
29. You could tell me how to do my job if you were earning my wages, but if if that was the case, you would have left by now.
30. Talk to the arse cos the face aint listenin!
31. Excuse me, where did you come from? Who are you? Who am I? What am I doing here?
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
(this is brilliant)
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Insist that your e mail address be: 'xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com' or 'Elvis-the-king@companyname.com'
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.
6. Put your waste bin on your desk and label it 'IN.' (This is a 'must do')
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
10. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Don't use any punctuation
13. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
14. Ask people what sex they are.
15. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
16. Sing along at the opera.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
18. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
19. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'm taking a shit."
20. Put mosquito netting around your toilet cubicle.
21. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party 'cause you're not in the mood.

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple, who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room.
As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just co-operate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do, don't fight him and make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you."
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says, "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck ... he was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, and I love you too." !

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say _ Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too_ Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say _it's always in the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film _did you see that? _ No tosser, I paid �5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
6. People who ask _ can I ask you a question? _ Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is _new and improved - Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say _life is short._ What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks has the bus come yet?_ If the bus came would I be standing here, tosser?!

101 things not to say while having sex
But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
But whipped cream makes me break out.
Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.
Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
So much for mouth-to-mouth.
(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
(Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
(Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
Got any penicillin?
But I just brushed my teeth...
Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
I want a baby!
So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
(In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards.
When is this supposed to feel good?
Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
You're good enough to do this for a living!
Is that blood on the headboard?
Did I remember to take my pill?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
I wish we got the Playboy channel...
That leak better be from the waterbed!
I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
No, really... I do this part better myself!
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
This would be more fun with a few more people.
You're almost as good as my ex!
Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
You look younger than you feel.
Perhaps you're just out of practice.
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
Now I know why he/she dumped you...
Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
What tampon?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
I have a confession...
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
Is that a hanging sculpture?
You'll still vote for me, won't you?
Did I mention my transsexual operation?
I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
Did you come yet, dear?
I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Does this count as a date?
Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
Hic! I need another beer for this please.
I think biting is romantic -- don't you?
You can cook, too right?
When would you like to meet my parents?
Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself?
Have you seen ''Fatal Attraction''?
Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
(In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
Sorry but I don't do toes!
You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''.
So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
Is this a sin too?
I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
Long kisses clog my sinuses...
Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
How long do you plan to be ''almost there''?
You mean you're NOT my blind date?

10 things ull never hear a man say!

) Let's watch Oprah!
2) Sex is overrated.
3) I want you to come first.
4) Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5) There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6) I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7) My hips are too big.
8) Is ''Mad About You'' on tonight?
9) Does this suit make me look fat?
10) I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.

blading tricks

sum guy

hey yall, my friends have been asking me 2 add a sk8ing page so here it is! learn how 2 do sum tricks!
grinding curbs
Grinding curbs and ledges is phat as hell and is also a good way to learn to do rails. The only thing you need is a smoother cement curb(ledge) and a bunch of wax. First find a decent ledge around 1 to 4 feet high. Then get some wax, any kind will work. Then wax the hell out of the ledge, so that there is a smooth coat of wax. Then start off frontsiding them to break them in. Then stick another coat of wax on and your ready to go. The only thing that you need to know about grinding ledges is that you have to stay on top of them and not lean over to the other side. If so, you skates lose contact with the ledge and you will slide out. It helps to stay low when doing ledges.
spins
There is really nothing hard to do in landing a 360. You just have to spin fast enough to pull it out before you hit the ground. To accomplish this you can spin slowly and jump high, or spin fast, and stay low. For the purposes of this page, assume you want a normal jump with a fairly fast spin.
The first step in doing a 360 is the approach. Get on your favorite flat stretch of pavement, and roll at a fairly slow speed. Crouch down at your knees and waist as if you are going to jump, and put your arms on one side of you. Next explode upwards and throw your arms to the other side. Spot your landing point and direction, unwind, and land.
A couple of keys to this are head position, and body control. If you are going to spin clockwise, and you are looking over your left shoulder, your head has to turn 180 degrees before you start spinning. So make sure to look ahead over the shoulder that you are turning towords. The second key to making a 360 is keeping your body tight. Most beginners tend to jump and spin fine, but they let their body seperate, with their legs and arms flailing about. This is bad because it not only slows down your rotation, but it also puts you in an off balance position, and makes it quite difficult to land. Pull your arms in close to your body, and try to keep your legs together to avoid this.
You may want to practice on grass first, or even without your skates on. It shouldn't be a problem either way. So just jump hard, spin harder, keep a tight body, and spot your landing. It is one of the easiest tricks to learn, so keep at it! To do this trick fakie, or backwards, is a bit tougher. The spinning part is just the same as a forwards 360, but the jumping part is a bit harder. Just concentrate on using the whole foot to jump with, instead of just the toes. Spotting your landing is probably more important in a fakie 360, because you will still be going backwards when you land. But if you can do a 360, a fakie 360 is a natural extension, and after a bit of practice, is easy to pick up. So for a fakie 360, spin hard, jump with the whole foot, and spot your landing spot carefully.
Once you feel comfortable doing a 360, try spinning a little harder and pull a 540. You might need a higher ledge that will give you more time to spin. The tip to doing a 540 or any move with a high number of spins is keeping your head turning with your body. If you lose control of you head, your body will follow. This is why you keep your head looking for the ground so that you can spot your landing. I wouldn't try a 720 until you can bust a 540 with ease.
stalls
Stalls are really the foundation of a good rail/curb grind. After all, if you can't land on something between the correct wheels, how do you expect to ride it out!!
Stalls are essentially skating up to an object, jumping onto it, holding there for a couple of seconds, and then jumping off. This can be anything from a stair to a curb to a car to the coping on a vert.
To begin stalling, you pick the grind you want to do. Then you practice the footing. After that, it is easiest to do it by going straight at the object you want to stall on- lets say a stair. Slowly skate up to the stair, and at about a foot away jump up onto the stair. Do your best to land between the correct wheels, as that is the purpose of this exercise! If the jump is giving you trouble, you can start by stepping up onto the stair, but remember what the ultimate goal is- rails!
After you get this down (about an hour), you can begin practicing variations that will keep you busy for a while. You can try a backside stall, or one in which you do a jumping 180 and land on the stair. Or you can go with a rewind after you do the stall. (Check the inline terms if you have a question) Or just any combination of the above. How about a 180 stall with a 360 rewind? Get creative, do grabs into and after the stall. Do it with style. In any case, do your best to learn how to stall, as that is the foundation of all grinds. Good Luck!
front side
Frontside is a basic grind that has to be learned. To do a frontside, just jump so that both skates hit the object at the same time. You have to be on the inside of both frames. This makes for a smooth ride. If your legs aren't spread out enough, then you will probably go over your skates and bite the rail. Make sure that you spot your landing.
back side
A backside is the same as frontside except you jump backwards into it. Instead of facing the ledge with the front of your body, you do it with the back of your body. When doing a backside, remember to spot your landing. It takes a lot of practice to learn how to do a backside, but when you learn how, they will become easier.
soul grinds
One of the most basic tricks in the book. This trick is a must to learn because a lot of other tricks originate from the soul grind or variant of the the soul grind. To start off, I would suggest finding a low curb or a waxed ledge. Also, make sure your two middle wheels are small enough or the gap in-between them is large enough. Take a couple of passes by the ledge/rail and just put the side of your boot on the ledge/rail. This will give you the feel for grinding on the side of your boot. Make sure you bend at the knees when doing the grind. This gives you a lower center of balance(lower center of balance = longer grinds). One of the most frequent problems people have when attempting a soul grind is that they "step" onto the grind. Make sure you jump with both feet at the same time. Keep your eyes on the rail and spot where your boot and front foot will be. The front foot is in the frontside position, between the two center wheels. If you find your front foot biting into the ledge/rail, get lower into the grind. This will cause your front foot to extend more and give a larger grinding area. Once you get a hang of the soul grind, start adding some of your own personal style. Whether it be the way you put your arms or the way you bend your knees, just remember, good style = chicks.
porn stars(not like that!)
The grind is easy enough, as long as you can control your skates well. Approach whatever your going at with some speed, but not too much. When you're ready, jump 180 degrees to the ledge/curb/rail and remember to stay low(this means you will be traveling backwards)! The lower you are for this grind, the better it looks and the easier it is to stay on. Land with the back foot in the soul position(remember you are traveling backwards so the soul foot will be closest to your front of your body), your other foot should be behind it dragging royale on the frame. The catch to this grind? Your back foot must be grinding on the OUTSIDE of the skate. That means, if you look down while doing this trick, you should be able to see the grind plate on the skate, or the inside of it's frame if you don't use plates. Your legs will be kinda-crossed. Remember to practice this stall for a while, it's tricky at first, takes some getting used to. If you have trouble landing the grind, try staggering your feet when approaching, with your soul skate further ahead. You can also perform the move going forwards. This is called a forward pornstar. STAY LOW, IT'LL LOOK BETTER AND IT'S EASIER TO BALANCE...
makio
Approach the ledge/rail at a reasonable speed, remember, once again, the lower you are, the easier this trick will be. When landing, be sure to put the weight on all of the skate! That means don't lean forward, and don't lean back, either one of these will put you in a disastrous situation. Be sure to lean into the grind NOT with your body, but with your foot. Be sure to keep your body still, if you flail, you WILL fall. Having trouble balancing the grind? Try rolling down the road on one skate while holding the other one. You'll get the feeling for the position. Having trouble getting on the grind. Try something low enough that you can step onto it. I learned by rolling up to the obstacle, putting my skate on, then lifting the other for the grab. Remember to keep low, it's gonna be weird at first, but it'll grow on you. Most importantly: do not keep the grinding leg straight. Bend as much as you can keeping yourself over the skate.
acid soul
Do not try this trick unless you can comfortably pull soul grinds. This grind takes some practice, definitely an unusual position for your skates to be in. Stall these for a while, you'll get used to them. Roll up to the ledge/rail with the same speed you would for a normal soul. A lot of people try rolling right up to this grind figuring it'll be the same as a soul grind, not at all. Put your soul foot up as usual, but tweak your acid knee. What I do is line my soul knee up with my skate. With my acid knee I face it 90 degrees away from the obstacle. Try having your knees both bent and touching, it makes it more comfortable, at least for me...Try the position w/ your acid leg in different positions to find what's most comfortable for you. If you can't get your acid skate to stick, trying loosening the skate. It will help a lot more if you are comfortable doing a makio grind. Getting good positioning of the soul foot will make the grind easier.
reverse royale
recommend a fair ammount of skill before trying this trick. The key to this grind is staying low, it also doesn't hurt to have a decent groove on your leading skate...Stall this grind repeatedly, it's an unusual position to be in when traveling forward. I've pulled this trick on everything from rails to curbs, STAY LOW. My trick is to pull my lead knee into my chest and place my back knee just above the lead skate, your shins should be perpendicular to eachother, with your front one pointing up. Loosen up your front skate so you can tweak your foot. The lower you can get, the more comfy it'll be for you. I'd say get a good groove on the outside of the lead skate's frame before trying this trick, it makes it much easier when you're not riding on just your frame, but your boot also. Try and center yourself as much as possible, but come with a decent amount of speed to get moving. If you are still having trouble, almost try throwing your knees into the grind. Try leading with your knees. This will help out greatly.
grinding rails
You have to learn sometime. If not, you will be surpassed by better skaters. It takes a lot of skill to grind a rail. First, find a decent rail. 4 to 5 steps is fine. Then go at the rail at a slight angle. Bend then jump so that you get high enough and don't miss the rail. Make sure you spot the rail and lock on. Then keep your balance and spot your landing. Don't start off big. If so, you could get hurt. The best grinds to learn how to do a rail are soul grinds, frontsides, and royales. Once you get a feel for the rail, start doing different grinds on them.
bio spins
This trick is quite hard to learn if you can't do a normal 540. If you can't
do one, you really should learn to before you move on to the bio.
First, find a suitable bed at home and take the mattress off it. Put the
mattress on the floor in front of your sofa or something of similar height.
Second, lay out some cushions next to the mattress.
After you have done all this, stand on top of the sofa, and jump as if you
were doing a 540. But this time, instead of keeping your shoulders flat as
they spin, bring your right shoulder (if you spin anti-clockwise, and left
shoulder for those who spin clockwise) down and round. So you bring your
shoulder down for the 180 part, and to complete 360, bring it up.
Most of you should get to that bit, but now comes the tricky part - landing
it. Since you are spinning on your side, if you landed after 540 you would
land on the sides of your skates, and spin round another 90 degrees into the
ground. Instead of letting your legs spin around normally, you have to
concentrate on bringing them over your shoulder (not quite over because that
would be misty flipping). This will bring you back to the normal vertical
state you were in when you started the trick. That is the key to this. If you
can remember to get back vertical, you'll have it down.

royale
The royale just about revolutionized the skating industry. The frontside was where it all began, but the royale changed skating for ever. The setup is pretty simple. Approach the rail or ledge at a normal speed. When you get to the object, jump as you would into the frontside grind, but turn the back skate on its outer side of the frame(opposite of where you would frontside). The whole idea is to get familiar with the foot placement and the weight transfer. For the first timer, make sure you land in the royale position on the back boot. If you land frontside and try to slide the back boot to royale, you will bust your ass. After stalling the grind correctly, try a good rail or a nice curb. Too much wax on the first grind will also cause an ass-buster. It you still find yourself having trouble with the royale, try loosening up your buckle on your skate. This is not recommended by me but it could help some skaters.
x grind
Some people do not like this grind. It can feel awkward and unusual. The x grind is done by placing both feet on the soles of the skates. On a rail, your front foot would be in the soul position and the back foot would be in the topside soul position. To make the grind easier, bend slightly at the knees. Also try keeping your head down and watch both skates lock on to the grind.
ufo
The UFO grind is a variant to the frontside grind. Some people find themselves doing this when they start learning how to frontside. The easiest way to describe the grind is to do a frontside and bend both knees til they touch. It is called a UFO because your legs form the shape of a UFO(spaceship). If there are any questions on how to do this, you should quit skating.

vert tips
GETTING STARTED:
Vert riding is definitly harder than street. To ride vert, you have to be a good skater and have a basic knowledge of transitions and the feeling of vert. The main thing that you need is a vert ramp. A vert ramp is basically 2 quarter pipes connected so that you go down one side and go up the other. A good vert ramp is usually larger than 7 feet, and usually no higher than 12 feet.
Instead of dropping in from the top, the best thing is to start at the bottom and work your way up to get used to the feeling of going up and down. Once you can work your way to the top, then it's time to drop in. When dropping in, the only thing you don't want to do is let your feet slip out from under you. This will cause you to fall over backwards and hit your ass off the ramp. This isn't to fun!
Once you can drop in and go to the other side, it is time to learn how to turn around in the air, or just above the coping. Make sure that you watch your feet as you turn around. Keep your weight centered so that when you go back down, your legs don't kick out from under you.
Getting speed is one of the hardest things to do. Once you have mastered the ability to turn around in the air, and keep doing it, then it's time to get speed to get above the coping. The method for getting speed is called pumping. The way that you pump is when you are at the bottom of the ramp, use your arms to move you forwards. You also have to push with your legs when you go down the side.
The hardest part about ramp skating is getting "air." The meaning of air is to get above the coping and get into the air. After getting a lot of speed, you have to let your body go up and using the vert to get into the air. You can't jump or you will go away from the ramp and land on the transition. This isin't a good feeling because you have to asorb the weight from falling to the ground. You have to make sure that you pump hard and tuck up your legs as you get into the air. If you are going up in the air, and hitting the coping on your way down, this is because you aren't tucking your legs enough.
GRINDING THE COPING:
If you have mastered the art of grinding on rails and ledges, then a new challenge awaits you. Another difficult part about vert skating is grinding. Grinding is when a skater jumps on to the coping(metal pipe on the top of the vert ramp) and slides across it. Sounds easy, but its not... After watching the pros do it, grinding looks easy, but the idea of sliding over a 8+ foot drop and coming back down scares the shit out of some people. The first thing you have to do is to get confidence in coming from a side angle and getting onto the coping. At first, it might seem impossible, but if you do it enough, it becomes easy. After you can get up on the coping, the first grind you want to do is a frontside. You have to make sure that your feet are spread far enough apart to keep balance. After getting on and keeping your balance, the next thing you have to do is drop back in by either jumping 180 into the ramp or dropping in backwards. Both methods are very hard, but I prefer to drop in backwards. It doesn't require the spinning. After you can frontside, I would work on backsliding, royaling, backsiding, and soul grinding. I will be adding more information as the days go by, but this should be enough to get started.

Email: Andrew